fullness

God's been whispering the word "fullness" into my life these past couple of days and He has been showing me what it means.
for me it's been about letting go of things i've been carrying around. things from Africa, things from relationships, things from my past and future.
and He's pouring Himself and His light into the places that have opened up in my soul and showing me what happens when things are left up to Him. my life has not magically become perfect, and my questions are still unanswered, but they're not my burden anymore, He has lifted them.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Matthew 11:28-30

His promises are true. Rest in them.

Covenant Renewal Prayer for 2011

Let me be your servant, under your command.

I will no longer be my own.

I will give up myself to your will in all things.

Lord, make me what you will.

I put myself fully into your hands: put me to doing, put me to suffering,

let me be employed by you, or laid aside for you,

let me be full, let me be empty,

let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and with a willing heart give it all to your pleasure and disposal.

- John Wesley

http://www.mediafire.com/?10qg4mux2honhgj

at night when my roommates are asleep i can hear trucks rumble by and downshift on the highway.

this semester is different.

it is about quiet, conversations, and figuring things out.

this year

there's a lot to talk about.
2010 was long- there was a lot of living squeezed into 12 short months.
spring semester barely even makes sense when i think about it, it feels like so long ago, but i know that it was about learning, about affirming, and about widening my soul. i moved into spaces that were wider and greener in relationships and in my spirit then i'd ever dreamed could exist.
we drove up the coast to san francisco and i prayed with a soul blown open with the glory of God and the majesty of His creation.
summer ate away at me. it was long and laborious. it was about building and tearing down ideas and conceptions.
and then africa. i don't know if i'll ever understand the extent of how my time in africa affected me, i just know that in my mind the condition of my heart will be gauged in two time spans- before and after africa.
africa deepened everything. everything that had been small, that had scratched the surface before i left was pulled away in the rushing undertow. and some of that was good, or at least, was recognizably good and obviously positive. and some of it ripped me up. africa tore away at my comfort box. there were times of incredible peace, but the scariest moments of my life were in africa and were facing things that were so much bigger then i'd imagined. but i was not crushed, i was not left there alone. i was pulled along by the grace of God. and it was harder then i'd dreamed, but i will understand the preciousness of it and i praise God for what He did and who He is.
and now i'm here. the new year has started and i'm looking toward starting another semester of school in LA. another 5 months of figuring out how to do this better.
here's to learning, loving, and getting older.
welcome 2011.