i don’t understand theophany,

i don’t understand the miracle of the virigin birth,

i don’t understand all of the mechanics of christmas.

but i do understand something of the preciousness of a baby

and the hearts of new parents trying to figure things out.

two thousand years ago our God came down as man,

love came down to save us.

merry christmas.

“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life.”
Jack Kerouac

we’re hitting the home stretch and things are kind of getting overwhelming. we’re trying to figure out what we still want to do, and how we’re going to pack, and planning for when we’re home, and finishing up our final papers. and my roommate just got ringworm so we spent the day disinfecting the room.

so i’m ready for peace.

i can’t wait to sit and talk to my mom and my friends and watch old movies.

surrender

"You're my cave to hide in,
my cliff to climb.
Be my safe leader,
be my true mountain guide.
Free me from hidden traps,
I want to hide in you.
I've put my life in your hands.
You won't drop me,
you'll never let me down.
I hate all this silly religion,
but you, God, I trust.
I'm leaping and singing in the circle of your love;
you saw my pain,
you disarmed my tormentors,
you didn't leave me in their clutches
but gave me room to breathe."
Psalm 31:3-8

we're at the Bible Institute- our home until we come home. home stays were a great experience, but i am so thankful for the quiet here.

everything is going faster then i thought it could.

prayer

I am going to break down some things that I need to talk about- the 1st is the power of prayer.
I don’t know a lot about prayer. I know that it’s utterly essential; I know that it’s communication with the almighty and I long for the day when it is the rhythm of my heart and brain and when I speak to God face to face for eternity. But I don’t know how it works, its exact biblical significance, or how things inside of me are set right because I sit with God.
But I have seen what it can do. God taught me a lot about intimacy in prayer before I left for Africa and moving through this trip being able to breathe in and feel His presence has kept me going. And I have seen prayer answered with incomprehensible power and might. One of our groups saw two boys without homes or families in need of protection from their own mother, taken in and being embraced by Christian families that will love and protect them. Another group saw a care center for people with AIDS in a community that desperately needs it spring up in a week. ONE WEEK. And I saw heart changes that were only possibly through the holy work of prayer. I saw subdued children flower and spring up in love and I saw doubts being thrown aside for trust in the sovereignty of the Lord. And He is not done. There is still work to be done in Mpophomeni, in those children, and in our hearts.
On my last day at the family center they gave us Zulu names and they named me Thandazile, which means one who prays. This has worked its way into my life and this identity urges me to cry out to the one that made me.
God answers prayer.
Wait and He will come, in all His overwhelming power and glory.

Mpophomeni Family Center,
i left part of my heart with you.

treasure your children.
and if you don't have children, treasure someone else's.
children are precious little people that need to be held, need to be taught, need to be told they are beautifully made in the image of God, and need someone that loves them enough to teach them right from wrong and hold them accountable.
i went on home visits today and heard so many stories of children being abused and children being left by parents that couldn't care less what happened to them.
there is too much riding on them not to care or to treat them as disposable. they are precious gifts from God. let's live in that truth and treat them accordingly.

"Be mild, and cleave to gentle things, thy glory and thy happiness be there."
William Wordsworth

The older i get the truer this gets.

i lose my focus so often.
i get so enamored with the creation that i forget the greatness of the creator.
let's keep our eyes on the reality of heaven and the vastness of what is to come, because our glory and joy is there.

"For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come."
Hebrews 13:14

peace

this weekend we went on a battlefields tour. there have been so many battles over the land i am living on now- the zulus' named it land of heaven when they first got here and everyone after them had a similar opinion and were willing to kill to get it. it was really great to get off campus and do something different for a weekend and we had a ton of riding in the van time which i love. there is space for thinking when driving that is hard to find anywhere else.
all the wars we learned about happened well over a hundred years ago but being there and seeing the monuments and standing where you know men have died is a much different experience then reading about it in a book. and for most of it my heart was breaking a little for the futility of the exercise. nothing was gained in any of the battles we talked about and read accounts of. people just died.
at the final site this morning, on top of a mountain where the british were massacred, we sat in silence and looked out over the valley. being sunday there was church in session below us and a wind picked up the voices of the congregation and whispered their songs to me. praise the Lord for the promise of redemption and peace. we need peace.

we got to do home visits today to spend some time with the AIDS patients Ethembeni supports. we brought them food and read the bible and prayed with them. it was the first time i’ve ever been in any of these people’s homes. i’ve lived with them and talked to them and played with their children but i’d never seen where or how they lived until today. the homes were small- mostly just two room places filled with old furniture, with the floors covered in peeling wall paper. they were all so excited to welcome us in. the Zulu people are overwhelmingly gracious.

it was real. these people are facing real things. the restrictions of poverty, disease, and demons. there are major issues to wrestle and addictions to tear down in this community- in all communities- but we have a powerful God.

Be in prayer for the Christian church in Iraq right now. They are facing mighty persecution and need encouragement, especially after this recent attack.

Read here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/02/world/middleeast/02iraq.html?_r=1

*

ask someone to tell you their story.

we have it so good

i met about 7 teenagers today that have lost their parents to AIDS and are raising their younger siblings, going to school, keeping up the house, and trying to figure themselves out.

i held so many kids that see more hurt and neglect at home then love.

i tried to talk to children that have spent most of their lives ignored. they just stared out at me from deep eyes.

i was so blessed and these children will continue to bless and teach me more then i can even imagine at this point, but i started to learn the depth of my ignorance and the privilege of my circumstance a little better today.

Jehovah-Jireh

A woman came and spoke in chapel yesterday who grew up in Rwanda and made it through the Rwandan genocide. Her stories from the genocide were heartbreaking. People being killed viciously for no reason and the reality of terror in everyday life. Her family was rich so they were able to pay people off for a while, but when they ran out of money the fled to the congo where they were refugees. In congo she met her husband and they started a family together but while she was pregnant with her second child the government started threatening her husband and he had to flee. Not knowing where he went she waited until she couldn't wait any longer and she set out to find him herself. She traveled on foot through Tanzania, Zambia, Mozambique, and Zimbabwe searching for her husband. She finally arrived in South Africa after hearing there were a lot of Congolese in Pietermaritzburg and there she finally found him. And her story didn't get any easier after that- she had her second child then had to get a difficult job walking around the city selling coffee and baked goods because her husband couldn't find work. But after she would detail some struggle she would say, "but Christ was with me."
The theme of her life has been relying on the providence of God and not just relying on it, but reveling in it. She has seen and lived harder things then i could ever imagine and she has had nothing, but she has had everything because she has loved and relied on Jehovah-Jireh- God the provider.


"Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world."
Isaiah 12:5

you make beautiful things

listen to this

take 40 mins

and listen to "Engage the Lost" and let God wreck your heart for His purpose for this world and our role in that.

your kingdom come, your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/global-gospel/

"Engrave this upon your heart: there isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you heard their story."

Mary Lou Kownacki

http://www.mediafire.com/?o4iee2837zf7jt7

South Africa is raining and praise the Lord, my paper is done.

the holy spirit

today at church the sermon was on physical manifestations of the holy spirit which is something that i have experienced in my life and the lives of others but it isn't something we talk about really so i think it was a step in a really positive direction.
the pastor spoke about 1 Corinthians 12 where it talks about spiritual gifts and even though the bible doesn't say much about physical manifestations of the holy spirit the pastor drew a lot of great parallels between the counsel concerning spiritual gifts and the physical evidence of the holy spirit we were talking about. He had a number of members of the congregation get up and talk about experiencing the presence of God and what that is like for them and there were people that said that they remained unmoved and there was a women that started laughing as she was speaking because she was so touched with the spirit.

the most pivotal point the pastor made was that the evidence of the holy spirit is not in the signs we see or experience but in whether or not Christ is being exalted. he pulled from the passage to show us that God is concerned with the heart. God doesn't care whether or not you shake or laugh or cry or even feel his presence tangibly- He cares that your heart is seeking Him.
and i think that was something we all needed to hear. there's been a girl on campus who started speaking in tongues a week ago and a lot of people really didn't know what to make of it and Satan uses that confusion to create fear and tear us from one another and from Christ.
so it was really good for our group to hear, but i think it's important for all believers to know that because they aren't experiencing a gift or physical manifestation of the spirit it doesn't mean that they aren't in the spirit. God made us all unique and the way that we experience Him and His spirit is equally unique so we shouldn't be afraid of these things or let them split us because we have enough to separate the body of Christ without tearing it apart ourselves. and if you're in the body and do experience these things then i think it's important for you to know that you're not alone and that you shouldn't be ashamed of your gifts but that you should exercise them with your brothers and sisters in mind, in a way that won't cause anyone to stumble in fear or confusion.
let's cultivate an environment of freedom and love each other, for it alone covers a multitude of sins.

"It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom."
Galatians 5:13-14

"I am a part of all that i have met."
Alfred Lord Tennyson

there are certain places that follow me around, some that i remember, some that catch me by surprise.
i saw a cathedral today when we were in Durban and musing aloud i mentioned that i would like to look at it. adam promptly checked his watched and said that we had enough time and that he would go with me so we quickly crossed the street and figured out how to get inside. the cathedral was surrounded by market stalls and the taxi station- the busiest areas of the city filled with the poorest people and that garbage that surrounds poverty.
so i was caught up in the crowd, swept along and concerned with not losing adam or myself in the crowd and smell and noise that africa creates when she is congested. and i totally forgot to prepare myself for what would happen next. we stepped into the courtyard and the difference was immediately tangible- i could feel the memory creep into the edge of my brain as i looked at the graves and the latin inscriptions. but i was not prepared to enter. as soon as i took the first marble step into the room and looked up my summer in europe smacked me in the face. i stopped. i couldn't walk any further.
i clasped my hands and realized adam was right behind me and mumbling something about knowing this place, this tile, this marble, this soaring vaulted ceiling, i stepped aside.
i can't equate it to anything but the feeling of standing outside of your house, looking in the window after a long time away.
i'd forgotten the quiet of religion that has marched steadily on for centuries, the strength and smooth of stone, the hush of years of reverence, and the calm of dusty saints and careful worship.
there is a cathedral inside of my chest. i'd just forgotten it was there until today.

this may make you cry. but it's lovely.

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

abba, i belong to you

i will never understand how my God holds me when i am frustrated.

when i am undeserving.

when i am wrapped in pride.

when there are walls miles thick that i have put up willingly.

He moves like the wind and whispers to my heart.

Settling me. Calling me by name. Reminding me that it’s okay. That i will be okay. Because I am His.

September 26, 2010
Originally uploaded by Parker Fitzgerald

In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

James 2:17-18

the action is the hardest part, but it's so necessary.

having a mary heart

"be mild and cleave to gentle things, they glory and thy happiness be there"

this life is not a race. it is not a contest, it is not a competition.
it is not about grabbing things, getting things, moving things and it is not always about making things happen. which is hard for me.
i like progress, i like to get things done. i get impatient.
but lately God has been telling me over and over that i need to take this slowly and deliberately. grace is not rushed, love is not hurried, and i need to settle into the timing of God and the easy grace that comes with it.
i am enough,
i have enough.

"What i'm trying to do here is get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving... Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out."
Matthew 6:31-33

i love bread

overwhelm me

at d-group last night we were talking about how we feel God here vs at home and we told story after story of God getting lost in the shuffle and i realized that i don't want to live like that. we said,
"He just gets buried under my life and homework and all the stuff i have to do" again and again and i don't want that to be my story any more.
i want the kind of intimacy with God that permeates everything that i am doing. i want to know him so well that i finish his sentences.
i don't want the separation or compartmentalization of my life. i don't want to say to God, "you have this time, and i'll take everything else"
i want to love him in a way that consumes me. i want his presence to become the backdrop for my life.
i want it to be deeper, it to go further, and it to be so full that all of me is focused and in tune with him and his love and purpose for this world.
and not that any of this is easy- getting to that place will be painful and take enormous amounts of discipline.
but i can't go back now. now that i've seen his goodness.
this needs to be everything.

beauty

we had a beauty discussion last night with all the girls on this trip.
what we think about beauty, what guys think about beauty, how beautiful we are in the eyes of God.
i like that we have those conversations, they need to happen. we need to articulate our beauty and what we like about ourselves.
but i just wish we could take it deeper then a proverbial pat on the back. i wish that we could articulate how wildly the father pursues us. how He created romantic love to show us the desperate part of His love. to show us how consuming this all is. i wish we said, i am beautiful because there is Christ in me. because i have died and He has taken residence in my life. I am beautiful because the Holy Spirit pours out of my eyes, my touch, my words, and my actions. what is beautiful is Christ, and he overwhelms me.
what is beautiful in this life is things that are laced with you, things that are covered in your fingerprints.

when they told us to write down something about beauty i knew i couldn't define it so i wrote things that i know are beautiful.
i wrote about rolling tired and sore out of tents and watching the sun blink and rise quietly. about memorizing poems and reciting them to open spaces and people we love. about silence and being alone in the hands of the creator. about old novels and all things good and noble and true.

"And i remember feeling that way back in Colorado, that i was not the center of the cosmos, that there were greater things. Larger things, massive structures forged in the muscle of earth and time, pressing up into the heavens as if to say the story is not about you, but for you, as if to remind us that we are not gods."
Donald Miller Through Painted Deserts

awake my soul

this country is gently teaching me that life is rushing forward anyways,
why push it?
there will be time, and we have hope that will see us through.

prayer request:
i know in my life and the lives of some of my close friends right now that we are facing a lot of lies from the enemy so if you guys would just rebuke that before the Lord- that He would silence these whispers and would lead us into the truth.
you guys are great and i am so thankful for our friendship. :)

joy

"the greatest hinderance to worship is not that we are a pleasure seeking people, but that we are willing to settle for such pitiful pleasures."

John Piper Desiring God

my joy rests in God. it doesn't come from shopping, or what other people think of my hair. i have experienced the depth of the joy that comes from knowing and resting in the presence of the my heavenly father, and nothing will ever measure up. not till we get to heaven or Jesus comes back.

canaan bound

"I trembled at the voice of God
A voice of love and thunder deep
With love He means to save us all
And Love has chosen you and me."

orange sky

http://www.mediafire.com/?cvthsxjs0ku

bear with me

learning how to treat each other with grace and love that esteems is rough. but we need it, like air, like water.

i'm trying to be observant

a quick ride down the streets of Pietermaritzburg or Soweto will show you that football should not be the most important part of our lives. and what brand of jeans you wear means nothing. not when there is this much.
this much raw, this much hurt, this many abortion adds on this many posts, this many children not going to school, this many women raped.
don't get me wrong, South Africa is beautiful and i have experienced nothing but warm lovely people in a warm lovely country so far, but these things are here, and you can see them in the faces of some of the people. in the adds and the trash dumped in gutters. in the squatter camps.
this country has so much potential, there should not be this much.

learning.

this semester will be about learning.
learning to listen.
learning to hug people more.
learning patience.
learning not to be a second hander.
and how to love others from a place of humility that puts them and their needs above my own.

this is finally sinking in.
i just sat through many hours of orientation and i am finally realizing that i will be leaving tonight at 1:45 to get on a plane that will take me to Africa for 4 months. and while the logistics of that doesn't scare me, the thought is a little daunting. it is easier to handle in the small pieces and questions, like where will you be staying and what will the weather be like.
the idea that i will be on a different continent for the next 4 months is scarier faced all at one time, but it is coming, and i know that it will be fundamentally good.
onward and upward.

alone

i watched the sun set tonight and as it fell i realized that that moment was precious in a certain way that was specific to only me. that it was a moment that occurred in only my heart, in only my head. that if someone else were there, the colors would seem different to them, the depth of the blue spreading across the sky might be less startling. and i realized that if i get married someday, and even if my husband and i are great at communicating with each other, i understood that there would be things we would never see the same, and things that we could never say. there will always be whispers of our hearts that will never be translatable. and that would be a tragedy if we were alone. but we are not.
we are never alone.
the things that can not be understood by people are plain as day to our creator, the one who knows our hearts because he made them. he knew exactly how i felt in that moment, because he made that sunset with me in mind. and how awesome is that?

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

south africa blog set up: check!
and here it is: http://andieandafrica.blogspot.com/
i will still be posting here, but day to day stuff and pictures will be posted there so everyone can live vicariously through me.
:)

"Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual. But the one who has love, courage, and wisdom moves the world."

Ammon Hennacy (Catholic activist, 1893-1970)

Shakespeare

"And this our life… Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in every thing."

As You Like It

http://www.mediafire.com/?t47ffrpc8ypvqt1

alters

i think there are times when it is good to look back- good to remember and learn and build alters to remind us of the good that is so easy to forget when things get hard.
and my life since high school has been a story of making plans and God tearing them down again and again. but now i can't settle for anything less. if life had gone as expected, right now i would be a music production student with a future of money and family making ahead of me, and while there is nothing wrong with having a family, and there is nothing inherently wrong with money, my life would be so much less. it would be lacking in the huge, overwhelming moments, and the sunrises, and the people that love me. i would have missed so much great depth of Him and who He is, so much singing to Him, and understanding the preciousness of His very name. i don't know what i might have had, but i know where i am going now will be wrapped in beauty that is infinite and eternal. and i am so in awe of the beauty and love of our creator. that he would quietly create such amazing things out of us, right before us, when we aren't paying attention.
his plans are so much better than my own.

http://www.mediafire.com/?hgpvgrzyqggiqo4

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

dear africa,

see you soon.

pic from here

meaning

“outside of a realtionship with God, life doesn’t mean anything.”

if we hold that to be true, the implications of that statement are huge.

things that live outside of that relationship, or things that don’t add to that relationship, the endless distractions, petty pursuits and goals- they don’t mean anything. there is no worth or meaning elsewhere.

where you go to school, what kind of jeans you are wearing, how white your teeth are, are the small things satan traps us in to keep us from meaning, from the beautiful magnitude of this life with God.

so let’s let go of worrying about the petty things satan throws at us, and let’s worry about things like light, and beauty, and truth instead of how much our pants or cars cost.

God, straighten our priorities, our vision. help us resist the distractions and live this life- this one shot, with meaning, with beauty, with brilliance, inside of you.

if you have a september birthday i can not urge you enough to do this. this is a beautiful way to glorify God and use our resources for the sake of the poor and to give up a day that celebrates our life for the celebration of the lives and welfare of many others.
it's a way of coming out of a story centered on us, and joining the great story of the kingdom of God coming here to earth. beautiful.

http://www.charitywater.org/september/

through painted deserts

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is that your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established in elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?"


Donald Miller
Through Painted Deserts

August 5, 2010

August 5, 2010
Originally uploaded by Parker Fitzgerald

Gérard de Nerval

dear summer,

everyone is going back to school.
see you next year.

http://www.mediafire.com/?6cpk5dqgyjrb609

winter winds

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no, this time no."


http://www.mediafire.com/?dd3yzmgg2yw

July 29, 2010

July 29, 2010
Originally uploaded by Parker Fitzgerald

Radical

"This, we remember, is the great reward of the gospel: God himself. When we risk our lives to run after Christ, we discover the safety that is found only in his sovereignty, the security that is found only in his love, and the satisfaction that is found only in his presence. This is the eternally great reward, and we would be foolish to settle for anything less."

Radical by David Platt

I can not urge you enough to read this book.

poetry

"All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.
Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love —a scholar’s parrot may talk Greek—
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains."

~C.S. Lewis

The early church in Hebrews "joyfully accepted the confiscation of their property" because they knew that had better and lasting treasure (Hebrews 10:34). they rejoiced that someone took their stuff. it seems ridiculous to the world, and most of the time to me too, but it's beautiful lunacy of following Christ. that having someone take your stuff would be a blessing and that pain would become precious in the light of what we are promised and given.

in one month

Kirstenbosch
Originally uploaded by Chantal Steyn

i will be on a plane to LA.
2 days after that i'll be on my way to Africa.
life sneaks up on you quick.

desiring God

"Once we had no delight in God, and Christ was just a vague historical figure. What we enjoyed was food and friendships and productivity and investments and vacations and hobbies and games and reading and shopping and sex and sports and art and TV and travel…but not God. He was an idea- even a good one- and a topic for discussion; but He was not a treasure of delight.
Then something miraculous happened. It was like the opening of the eyes of the blind during the golden dawn. First the stunned silence before the unspeakable beauty of holiness. Then the shock and terror that we had actually loved the darkness. Then the settling stillness of joy that this is the soul’s end. The quest is over. We would give anything of we might be granted to live in the presence of this glory forever and ever."

John Piper, Conversion, “Desiring God”

i love theology

is the name of God the sound of breathing?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4657662595934098105#

and this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-qoj0t_O74

July 26, 2010

July 26, 2010
Originally uploaded by Parker Fitzgerald

change is never too small.

redemption

God has been reminding me how dysfunctional this life is without Him.
nothing we do works. it is a broken shadow of what it could- what it should be.
and we are aching for redemption. which can only come from Him.

"Agape doesn’t love somebody because they’re worthy.

Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love.

Agape doesn’t love somebody because they’re beautiful.

Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful.”


-Rob Bell


This is the love we are shown and the love that we should strive to convey to the world.

July 21, 2010
Originally uploaded by Parker Fitzgerald

youth

i am home. the mission trip was awesome. a lot of the time on youth trips i didn't leave feeling like we'd really helped someone so much as just wasted a lot of time hammering or doing whatever else they put in front of us. but this year we got to work for a family, CJ and Faye, and we got to understand their lives and their struggles a little. we got to know that we were building a wheel chair ramp that they desperately needed. and when our contractor wasn't there and we painted Faye's lawn gnomes, even that felt meaningful. Faye cried when she saw them she loved them so much. we connected with them and gave what we could, honestly and earnestly, and it was undoubtably God's work. it was the church working like it should, which gives me indescribable hope.
and to be on the other side of the trip was so incredible. we have thirsty youth- youth that recognize that there is something huge and magnificent to this God thing. youth that are learning about God's glory and their purpose in making His name famous throughout this earth. and watching them start to stagger toward a waiting and loving savior and knowing that someday they will see Him clearer and learn to run toward Him was perfect. i got to witness a lot of spiritual and emotional healing and was able to pray with so many people, God totally spoiled me on the last night.
the only discouraging part of the trip was coming home and realizing that we live in a world that does not live to enjoy God and bring Him glory. looking at the parents gathered in the parking lot, i knew that most of the kids that had so clearly witnessed the glory of God and heard His precious voice, would not be going home to a family that was sold out for Christ. that they would not be asked by their parents to describe how God had moved, or how their faith journey had changed because of their week. this was disheartening to say the least. these kids are so hungry for God, but they need spiritual leadership, and the knowledge that their parents are not spiritually mature enough to offer that is disappointing. we have church members, what we need is more disciples. because without disciples showing the way, we can only expect youth that attend church, instead of youth that have surrendered their lives to proclaiming the glory of God. and that's the kind of youth i want in this world.

a prayer

my prayer for the church is that we would seek God relentlessly, the way He seeks us.

that we would rejoice at the opportunity to praise Him, be it for 15 minutes or 20 hours.

that we would pray long and pray hard, fortified by our glorious God.

that we would open ourselves up to and expect miracles.

that we would not hide from the glory of God, but that we would seek it with our lives.

that this world would not be enough- that nothing would compare to Him.

that we would blush at the sound of His name, thrilled by the mention of our lover.

that His kingdom and life with Him would be IT. our reason for living, our everything, and that we would live like that is true.

let's grow up christians.

“I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you’ve picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one—baby’s milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God’s ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.”

Hebrews 5:11-14 The Message

the Christian community is soft. we let each other off the hook all the time. we ask little of ourselves and ask little of each other and end up asking little of God. this habit we have gotten into of complacency and belittling needs to stop. we can not see God’s glory if we’re telling him to be quiet. we can not trust in his sovereignty and live as we were created to, trusting completely in him, if we’re too busy worrying about our financial security. the word radical means the root- we need to get back to the root of the early church and the root of God’s plan for us- we need to get more radical. we need to break the box we have put around God and we need to grow up and to start asking Him to raise our expectations- to blow them through the roof! then we can be sure that He will be faithful and we can live lives basking in the full glory of God instead of in the glory of our TV sets and IRAs.

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer."

Zora Neale Hurston

i think that this one is asking.

love

read this
it's something i have been learning and seeing the truth of in my life recently too.
i can't love unless i am in love with the creator, i can't be giving unless i am receiving.

God Speaks To Each Of Us

God speaks to each of us before we are,
Before he’s formed us — then, in cloudy speech,
But only then, he speaks these words to each
And silently walks with us from the dark:

Driven by your senses, dare
To the edge of longing. Grow
Like a fire’s shadowcasting glare
Behind assembled things, so you can spread
Their shapes on me as clothes.
Don’t leave me bare.

Let it all happen to you: beauty and dread.
Simply go — no feeling is too much —
And only this way can we stay in touch.

Near here is the land
That they call Life.
You’ll know when you arrive
By how real it is.

Give me your hand.

Rainer Maria Rilke


i recognize my immense flaws in the representation of grace and in my stewardship of God's love, but just so you know,
you matter to God. and you matter to me.
i am always here to help.

goodmorning

Rainer Maria Rilke

http://www.mediafire.com/?mjvytq0tlgm

quotes and zooey deschanel

"my addictions and worries and regrets and shame are not just "bad", they are identity crises. who i am is love, who i am is Christ."



in other news,
this is so cute.

you remind me

there is so much more than what I have seen.

http://www.mediafire.com/?m0yjzmkdkgt

i am so excited for the rest of my life, for the people i will meet, the places i will go, the person i will become.

HELL YEAH GIRLS!

i am a very firm believer in the power and necessity of women to create social change. check this out.

reconciliation at Pride 2010

this is the church following Christ. i am so proud of you guys.

truth

People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated.

D.A. Carson

to build a home

from http://tylerknott.com/

i love this song.

listen here

watch

its a little long, but achingly beautiful and totally worth it.

APRICOT — A Short Film by Ben Briand from Moonwalk Films on Vimeo.

just like that

i am in wisconsin
and time keeps speeding up.

oh, the little things

http://www.mediafire.com/?rmy0jzdwzyc

these girls sing songs

that i will never know,
how love can last if you only let it grow.

http://www.mediafire.com/?1td2xky5nxg

happy God

i asked Will what he was thinking about on the way home from church today and he told me he was thinking about God and how happy He was while we were singing today.
i love the God that Will knows. He is gentle, unassuming, and untethered, capable of anything and everything.
i feel like i am drowning in religion here at home, and not healthy religion- not devotion that comes out of love, but obligation that comes out of fear. i don't want that. i want Will's God. the God that is happy because His children are happy and singing.

We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.
-Bill Bryson

Travel

"We travel for romance, we travel for architecture, and we travel to be lost."
Ray Bradbury

i love the deep blue, the deep taste, the deep longing of life, but sometimes, i am startled by the depth.

listen here.

i miss europe.
i miss the smells and the food and the art and the history and the jokes and the street musicians.

yesterday, today, and forever.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
Hebrews 13:8

the reward for seeking Christ is Christ. more and more of Him. and that has become not only enough, but everything.
He is in the beautiful, the truthful, and in the eternal. and what else is worth seeking?

postsecret

growing

beloved

"I am tired, Beloved, of chafing my heart against the want of you; of squeezing it into little ink drops, and posting it."
Amy Lowell The Letter

enough

we are told constantly that we are not enough and i have been bought into that my whole life. i have spent way too much time making sure i was enough for my friends, family, peers, teachers, and for a world that saw me with at best, critical eyes.
God has hit me with a bus recently and that is the simple truth that i am enough. that i am enough for Him, in every capacity. that when i am stepping over my bible like a dead pet, or when i am seeking Him with everything i am, that i am enough for Him. He is helping me understand that His love for me does not change, that it is as wild and overwhelming now as it will be tomorrow, and that there is nothing i can do to change it or earn it. but just by being, just by existing, i am enough for that wonderful, frightful, and incomprehensible love. our father is the father in the story of the prodigal son, we return stumbling home, unworthy of even a passing glance, but God runs out to meet us, crying out with joy.
i stumble home so often, but just by being there, just by being in the presence of the living God, i am enough for that love and i can accept my father's cry of welcome and joyful proclamations of love.

so if no one has ever told you that you are enough, here you go:
you are enough. you are enough for God, as for the world- forget about it, you are not even on the same scale of enough as the world, and now you are free to see others as enough for your love, and you can run and greet them with the father when they too come stumbling home.

the God of love

"The confessing church of American ragamuffins needs to join Magdalene and Peter in witnessing that Christianity is not primarily a moral code but a grace-laden mystery; it is not essentially a philosophy of love but a love affair; it is not keeping rules with clenched fists but receiving a gift with open hands."
Brennan Manning The Ragamuffin Gospel

The love of God is so big. it is nonsensical, non-conditional, and never ending. we will never understand it, but even just the small part we can grasp,
changes everything.

trees

http://www.mediafire.com/?54xmmzmmgjj

even if you're surrounded by people in whale suits

always

"It’s always been you
singing to me in my dreams.
You and you alone."
Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

let your heaven invade this earth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWCdQn4s6uA&feature=player_embedded

light

Honestly

I have spent the last few days disappointed in my humanity.
Because we don’t know how to love right.
Because we are lonely.
Because we are seeking everything else.
Because we are so far from our daddy and our home.
Because we are caught in an in-between.
Because we are stuck waiting for the bridegroom to return for the wedding feast.

But oddly enough, God has taken my sadness and has turned it into reassurance of the reality of His kingdom and the final fulfillment of His promises, and has shown me my overwhelming need for Him.
And what better place to be, than in the arms of the savior?

beautiful things

this website: http://www.givesmehope.com/
this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfzRlcnq_c0
this picture:


i don't have a choice, but i still choose you.

priorities

"I have three things to say today. First: While you were sleeping last night 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second: Most of you don’t give a shit. Third: What’s worse is that you are more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night."

Tony Campolo



Lord, straighten out our priorities. help us to get this right.

lord, save me from myself

it's hard to be the person i want to be, the future me, here.
i am surrounded with what i was and what people expect me to be, and it's hard to admit to these people that i am not one of them anymore.



"This world is where I breathe
Let it never be called home"

http://www.mediafire.com/?atam0g2tgin

silent

http://www.mediafire.com/?dvomjgwmwt0

i love

talking to people that make no sense.
there's no pressure to even know what's going on and its so much more entertaining.
it's been indescribably wonderful seeing so many people i haven't talked to in a really long time.
and i am so curious to know how so many of these people are going to turn out.



http://www.mediafire.com/?rmy0jzdwzyc
i love driving in the dark in warm georgia when the heavy air pools around you as you slide quietly home.

mountain

"The child of God knows that the graced life calls him or her to live on a cold and windy mountain, not on the flattened plain of reasonable, middle-of-the-road religion."
Brennan Manning The Ragamuffin Gospel



so friends,
let's keep going strong for the top.